One Depp Too Far: The Outtakes by Gallifrey-Pirate, literature
Literature
One Depp Too Far: The Outtakes
A/N: Here is the appendix. Apologies, it's not very good but it was an idea I had during the later stages of the fanfic. It helps if you have a good imagination and particularly if you've seen all of these characters' movies to help picture them. I wrote them in play script format because: one, it aids the gags/occurrences; and two, I'm too lazy to write in screenplay format. To make things more interesting, also try hearing the 'POTC: Curse of the Black Pearl' blooper music in your head whilst reading.
Extra note: DFQ stands for Daemon Faerie Queen, which is my pen name on ff.net, don't ya know. She/I will be appearing in these out-takes as
One Depp Too Far: Chapter 28 by Gallifrey-Pirate, literature
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One Depp Too Far: Chapter 28
Disclaimer: See first chapter.
Chapter 28 - Forgotten
Mort Rainey opened his eyes to find himself alone, on his couch, in his shack. No sign of any of those mirrors of his face. No man in a top hat watching him whilst hands restrained him. All at once the other mirrors had let go of him and each swallowed something. It was just a dream, nothing more, and only a flicker at that.
The writer sat up and rubbed at his face, nudging at the cloudy spectacles astride his nose. He focused on an empty packet resting on his coffee table and decided to blame it on his nightmare.
"No more Doritos for you, Mr Rainey."
That said he flexed his jaw, roll
One Depp Too Far: Chapter 27 by Gallifrey-Pirate, literature
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One Depp Too Far: Chapter 27
Disclaimer: See first chapter.
Chapter 27 - Sweet Deceit And Final Words
"It's all very simple," William said, his eyes fixed on the rest of the group. "Dimensional travel is likely to be the most disorientating form of transport seein' how it's so far and reeking of countless mysteries. So, those of you I figured might have a problem with nausea now have sickness pills, 'kay?"
Constable Crane wasn't convinced.
"But, Mr Wonka -," he began.
"O-kay?" the chocolatier repeated sternly.
Mort flinched and would have swallowed his sweet immediately had Ichabod not stayed his hand.
"Not that I'm one to mistrust you, Mr Wonka. Indeed you've bee
One Depp Too Far: Chapter 26 by Gallifrey-Pirate, literature
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One Depp Too Far: Chapter 26
Disclaimer: See first chapter.
Chapter 26 - Roots
Mr Wonka and Morton Rainey came over the hill to the sounds of raucous singing and idle banter. Jack had decided it was the apt time to teach Edward, Constable Crane and a troop of Oompa Loompas his current favourite song. Of course it was the pirate captain himself who was singing the loudest and most discordantly.
" we're black sheep, we're really bad eggs! Drink up me hearties, yo ho!"
"Mr Sparrow, are you quite sure this is a real pirate song?"
"O' course it is, Bodders, one o' the best there is too. Few ditties can a pirate know that aren't to be saying things of murder, pillag
One Depp Too Far: Chapter 25 by Gallifrey-Pirate, literature
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One Depp Too Far: Chapter 25
Disclaimer: See first chapter.
Chapter 25 - Breaking From The Dream
For all the good his sudden waves of confidence would do him, Constable Ichabod Crane didn't have a clue how to drive a bike. The room watched him as he gingerly placed his hands on both handlebars and eyed them as if he were dabbling in alien technology. Mimicking the writer's actions, he twisted the handlebars very gently. His breath was snatched from him as the bike shot off out of control, taking him with it.
The companions who weren't participating observed from a safe distance with spectator binoculars the fruit of a plant that had recently sprung up upon real
One Depp Too Far: Chapter 24 by Gallifrey-Pirate, literature
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One Depp Too Far: Chapter 24
Disclaimer: See first chapter.
Chapter 25 - One Down, Game To Go
It took various approaches to sign language to explain to the headless horseman what was happening. Mr Wonka had left it mostly up to the pirate, since the only way of describing time travel without words that he could think of involved modern day transport and that little ticking thing some people strap to their wrists of which the Hessian hadn't the remotest idea of either.
As for moving the immortal Daredevil from his swudge haven, it took three of them. Ichabod tugged on the reins, Mort enticing the stubborn stallion with a handful of the grass, and Edward lightly
One Depp Too Far: Chapter 23 by Gallifrey-Pirate, literature
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One Depp Too Far: Chapter 23
Disclaimer: See first chapter.
Chapter 24 - Finishing Touches
"When did you last 'ave it?" Captain Sparrow asked, trying to suppress a terribly impolite belch.
"I put it in my hat, I'm certain of it," said Mr Wonka.
"Did you take it off, or did it ever fall off?" Ichabod tipped.
The recognisable gleam in the chocolatier's eyes happened once more. He exchanged glances with Edward who also looked as though he were sorting through his memory.
"Got it!" William cried, snapping his fingers, or rather squeaking them. "The Oompa Loompa chute."
"Shoot what?" Jack mumbled.
Mr Wonka hurried over to the plug in the grass that he and the b
One Depp Too Far: Chapter 22 by Gallifrey-Pirate, literature
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One Depp Too Far: Chapter 22
Disclaimer: See first chapter.
Chapter 22 - Alcohol and Aftermath
It seemed like an eternity for the group on the other side of the void to rush into the elevator and cross to the assaulted platform. Out of the smoke, Oompa Loompas fled from all directions in fits of coughing.
"Sparrow? Crane?" Mort shouted.
"On the bright side," Mr Wonka muttered anxiously whilst fanning the fog, "they've gotta be okay, or we'd not be here."
"That's on the assumption that the universe can't cope with a dimensional paradox," said the writer.
William scowled and snatched his cane back from Mr Rainey.
Edward, who had walked blindly into the mist without
One Depp Too Far: Chapter 21 by Gallifrey-Pirate, literature
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One Depp Too Far: Chapter 21
Disclaimer: See first chapter.
Chapter 21 - Aerial Subtraction
"We're going to what?" Constable Crane asked moments before the red-faced Oompa Loompa was dashing back towards them with a squirtable, plastic bottle. "And what's that?"
Mr Wonka took the bottle and saluted his loyal worker.
"This, my annoyingly inquisitive friend, is WonkaVite spray," William replied, beaming. "A while back I invented a formula to reverse the process of ageing. Normally I put it in pills 'cause it's easier to track the dosage, but I find it's always good to be prepared. Ya never know when some experiment's gonna come back and bite you in the well, it'
One Depp Too Far: Chapter 20 by Gallifrey-Pirate, literature
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One Depp Too Far: Chapter 20
Disclaimer: See first chapter.
Chapter 20 - War Of The Whangdoodles
To describe the scene that was taking place in the vast abyss of the factory's core would be close to breaching the copyright of George Lucas. The elevator tracks crisscrossed the void like endless, glittering harp strings. Amongst these, throughout a descent of miles was a furious and colourful war. Fireworks and numerous other spectacular explosives peppered the blackness as strange winged insects zipped about in an effort to avoid them, buzzing dangerously.
The Great Glass Elevator helter-skeltered through the chaos, speeding missiles ricocheting off its tough shell lik